The Masculine Virtue of Plain Speech

On February 28th, 2025, Ukrainian president Volodmyr Zelensky visited the White House for a meeting with President Trump and Vice President Vance. This meeting was intended to precede the signing of a deal that would allow the United States access to Ukrainian minerals in exchange for US aid.

That deal was never signed.

During the meeting, Zelensky was incredibly disrespectful. He was ungrateful and attempted to publicly renegotiate the terms of the deal by pushing for a more robust security guarantee. In a move that was highly unusual for an American politician, Trump and Vance stood up for the country. Here is an excerpt of what was said by Trump:

Don’t tell us what we’re gonna feel because you’re in no position to dictate that…You’re not in a good position, you don’t hold the cards right now…You’re gambling with the lives of millions of people. You’re gambling with World War 3. And what you’re doing is very disrespectful to the country–this country that’s backed you far more than a lot of people said they should have.¹

While many people appreciated his words, there were plenty of people who disapproved. Some claimed they were embarrassed to be American; others called Trump “mean” or “immature.” One particularly pathetic man posted a video of himself crying while saying he “just [wants] to be next to Zelensky right now.”

A few days later, Mike Cosper from Christianity Today called Ron DeSantis a coward for supporting Trump’s words. Tom Ascol responded to him with a single word: “Malakoi.”

Malakoi is the Greek word for “soft” or “effeminate.” It was a fitting word for the situation, but some people were not happy with it. To those with a stomach too weak to handle anything other than sugar-coated flattery, Ascol’s comment was a sin that warranted repentance. It was “unbecoming of a pastor,” and he had disqualified himself from the office.

“A man of your age and stature should know better, Tom. You’ve got young men who look up to you. Do better,” one person said .

Quite frankly, the reactions to these comments are ridiculous. Neither Trump nor Ascol said anything particularly offensive. A few decades ago, both would have been perfectly normal forms of interaction between public figures with opposing viewpoints.

What changed?

Masculine and Feminine Instincts

The Church, and society as a whole, has gone soft. Masculine speech is not present and we are expected to cater to the feelings of the most sensitive members of society. Anything offensive is expected to be watered down until its substance is so diluted that it has no effect. In a defense of Ascol , William Wolfe explained it this way:

Masculine speech from a pastor is so rare in the feminized church these days that when people see it in the wild, they think it’s “sinful.”  
 
It’s not. It’s just unfortunately become such a conversational “relic” it’s unrecognizable by modern churchgoers.

“Feminized” is a fitting word to describe the state of the Church. The church at large puts most of their focus on emotional experiences. We are told that Christianity is “a relationship, not a religion.” A lot of contemporary worship music sounds like a song written by a teenage girl about her boyfriend.

Women tend to be peacemakers. They want people to get along and are significantly more empathetic and conflict-averse than men. If there is conflict, women are more likely to avoid escalation and pretend everything is okay, whereas men are more likely to get into a fistfight.

Stereotypes exist for a reason.

In a Godly woman, these are very good instincts. Diplomacy, de-escalation, nurturing, and kindness are their strengths. In many cases, a wise man will seek to emulate these traits in dealing with conflict.

However, these traits must be balanced with masculine ones. Directness, assertiveness, and aggression are not inherently evil as our culture would suggest. They are necessary counterbalances to feminine instincts.

An over-reliance on feminine traits leads one to being deceived and taken advantage of. As we see in our culture, it becomes impossible to cause offense or speak out against evil without facing ridicule. “So now,” Michael Foster said in a recent post , “everybody talks in circles, afraid to say anything straight, afraid to let a word land heavy. And everybody listens with a hand on their pistol, waiting for offense.”

On the other hand, abuse of the masculine traits listed above can lead to unnecessary conflict or violence. It creates a man with no self control; a man who cannot solve a problem peacefully.

It is a virtue to be a plain-spoken man who is direct, assertive, bold, and authoritative. These traits project strength and allow a man to lead well. But they are dangerous when misused.

So how must a Godly man use his words?

The Principles of Plain Speech

1. Speak Difficult Truths

Do not shrink back from saying what needs to be said. To do so is cowardice.

You will be told that everyone has their own truth. You will be told that you shouldn’t push your opinions onto others. You will be told that you are being offensive.

Do not let that deter you.

Unbelievers need to be warned of their sin. They are headed for hell unless they repent. “How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher?” (Romans 10:14). No one wants to hear about their sin, but they must.

All Christian men need brothers that keep them accountable, but accountability does not exist if men are too afraid to confront each other. When your brother stumbles, bring it into the light so that sin may be put to death.

A man is responsible for leading his wife. How can you lead if you are afraid to have difficult conversations? How can you oversee her sanctification if you don’t correct her sin? How will you teach and discipline your children?

Nathan the Prophet is a good example to look up to in this area. After David slept with Bathsheba and murdered her husband, Nathan was sent to confront him.

Nathan then said to David, “You are the man! Thus says Yahweh, the God of Israel, ‘It is I who anointed you king over Israel and it is I who delivered you from the hand of Saul. I also gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your care, and I gave you the house of Israel and Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added to you many more things like these! Why have you despised the word of Yahweh by doing evil in His sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the sons of Ammon. So now, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ Thus says Yahweh, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you from your own household; I will even take your wives from before your sight and give them to your companion, and he will lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. Indeed you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun.’”  
 
2 Samuel 12:7-12

Confronting the king was no easy task; had David responded poorly, he could have executed Nathan. But Nathan approaches him with courage, calls out the sin directly, and calls him to repentance.

2. Don’t Be “Nice”

Do not confuse “kindness” with “niceness.”

Kindness is listed among the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22). To be kind is to do what is best for the other person. “Niceness” is a fake attempt to maintain peace and avoid offense.

Jesus was not “nice.” When speaking to the pharisees, he says, “You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good?” (Matthew 12:34). He drives the money changers out of the temple with a whip of cords and flips over their tables (John 2:15). He belittles Nicodemus by saying to him, “Are you the teacher of Israel and do not understand these things?” (John 3:10). He calls Peter “Satan” (Matthew 16:23).

And let us not forget Elijah. When the prophets of Baal prayed for hours with no response, he mocked them, suggesting that Baal could not hear because he was busy on the toilet.

Now it happened at noon, that Elijah mocked them and said, “Call out with a loud voice, for he is a god; either he is occupied or relieving himself, or is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and needs to be awakened.”  
 
1 Kings 18:27

There are times when kindness necessitates offensiveness. It was offensive for Elijah to point out the foolishness of the prophets of Baal, but it was done so that they might put their faith in the true God. The gospel itself is offensive. Damaging an ego is offensive. Telling someone they are wrong is offensive. Negotiating deals during war is offensive.

Of course this does not mean you should be a jerk. Be diplomatic whenever possible. As Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Do not be quick to hand out insults. Kindness is a virtue, but you will accomplish nothing of value by sugar-coating your words.

Being overly concerned with “niceness” undermines your ability to speak difficult truths. Consider a situation in which you have a brother sleeping with a woman he isn’t married to. You want to spare his feelings, so you say, “Having sex outside of marriage really isn’t what’s best for you. It’s going to cause problems.”

Don’t pull your punches. What he needs to hear is “You have sinned against Almighty God and failed in your duty to protect this woman. Repent of this horrible thing you have done.”

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.  
 
Proverbs 27:6

3. Get To The Point

If you want to say something, say it.

If it takes 30 minutes of meaningless conversation to make your point, you aren’t being plain-spoken.

Don’t dance around your point, but state it clearly. Avoid over-qualifying your statements. If your speech sounds like, “Well I’m no professional, but based on this book I read, I think it would be accurate to say that…” then you are over-qualifying yourself and taking forever to make your point.

It projects insecurity, and no one wants to listen to it.

4. Exercise Meekness

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.  
 
Matthew 5:5

The word meek is often misunderstood as meaning weak, small, or quiet. Is is a word used to discourage men from pursuing strength and leadership. But this is an inaccurate use of the term.

A more accurate definition of meekness is strength under control. It is gentleness and humility, and a submission to God’s will. Men must be strong both physically and mentally, but they must also be in total control of that strength.²

A man should never fly off the handle and start yelling. A meek man is certainly capable of fiery speech, but he does not use it unless it is necessary. He doesn’t get angry and lose control of himself, but he maintains his composure and considers every word carefully.

A meek man is a master of self-control. He does not allow his emotions to overwhelm him. In stressful situations, he keeps his cool as he works through it. In upsetting situations, he doesn’t break down in tears. He does not complain or whine about the difficulties he faces.

Apostles and Refugees

I am encouraging men to be more straightforward in their speaking; to be bolder and more courageous, and to stop trying to please everyone. Men should be firm and assertive just as Trump was with Zelensky. In a degenerate world, we should be able to call out evil where we see it.

But I want to draw a distinction between two types of people who, in his book Leadership and Emotional Sabotage, Joe Rigney refers to as “apostles” and “refugees:”

Paul speaks differently to apostles of the world and refugees from the world. He rebukes the lying wolves, but patiently bears with the confused sheep. He condemns the misleaders but welcomes the mislead.³

There are some people who serve as evangelists of wicked ideologies. These are the tyrannical world leaders, the judges that allow criminals to walk with nothing more than a slap on the wrist, and the activists who push debauchery into the mainstream. These people should not be spared from a harsh rebuke. Jesus himself says that those who cause the “little ones” to stumble should have a millstone fastened around their neck as they are tossed into the depths of the sea (Matthew 18:6).

On the other hand, there are those who are confused and deceived. These are the people who do not know what to believe because they’ve never heard the true gospel preached. These are the fatherless boys who act out because they have no one to learn from. These are the children who have been convinced that they need to mutilate their bodies in order to be happy. With these people, gentleness is necessary.

Like meekness, gentleness reflects strength under control. To be gentle is not to be soft, but to show kindness, compassion, and to use the appropriate amount of strength. Think of a large, strong man holding his young daughter. If he wanted to, he could easily kill the girl with his bare hands. But instead, he holds her in his arms, showing her love and providing protection. If she does something wrong, he disciplines her without undue harshness. This is what it means to be gentle. He does not lack strength, he just uses it properly.

With refugees from the world, we must still hold to the principles I described above. We must confront them with hard truths, and that often means offending them. But in doing so, we must show them the love of Christ.

For an example of how we might speak to apostles of the world, let’s look at a video Matt Walsh posted on February 14, 2023. In the video titled “A Heartfelt Message to Dylan Mulvaney,” he said:

Dylan, if that is the most attractive you will ever look, then I don’t even want to imagine what you will look like at your ugliest. You do not pass as an attractive woman, or as a woman at all…You have successfully shed whatever parts of you are masculine perhaps, at least on the surface…but your femininity quotient has not increased at a rate commensurate with the loss of your masculinity…You are weird and artificial, you are manufactured and lifeless, you are unearthly and eerie. You are like some sort of human deepfake…You are a man deprived of all the best qualities of men but without any of the best qualities of woman…Nobody buys the act. You’ll never be accepted as a woman by anyone…Even the people who pretend to accept you as a woman are only pretending because they’re afraid of being lectured if they don’t, or because they want to use you as a platform to virtue signal. But everyone who looks at you will see something pitiable and bizarre; something utterly unfeminine in any way.

Dylan Mulvaney is a wicked man who treats womanhood like a costume. He has pushed to normalize transgenderism and advocates for children to be transitioned. He is the definition of an apostle of the world. He is outspoken in his rebellion against God, and so a public rebuke is necessary. In speaking against an issue as destructive as this, Walsh’s harshly worded message is appropriate.

Now if I were speaking to someone in person about the issue, would I use similar language? Absolutely not. Walsh’s message was not intended to change Mulvaney’s mind. Rebukes such as his are for the audience’s benefit. He is working to change the cultural attitude around transgenderism.

If I am speaking to someone one-on-one, his message would not change their mind; it would be more likely to harden them in their rebellion. And let us not forget that many of the people who would be considered “refugees” when it comes to this issue have been lied to. They have been told that mutilating their bodies and attempting to switch their gender is the solution to some deep-seated issue within them. Whether it be fatherlessness, sexual abuse, or severe mental health issues, they are coping with something. And the same can be said of other sensitive issues as well.

Of course this does not abdicate them of responsibility. They still need to be told of the severity of their sin and their need for repentance. But they can come to know that they have offended a Holy God without being told how ugly and disgusting they are. In that case, you are not being plain spoken, you are just being rude.

As Rigney says, “Don’t punch down. But if you’re Elijah surrounded by the king and his four hundred prophets of Baal, let it fly.”⁴

A Note on Speaking To Women

A lot of my advice in this article can be summarized as “Don’t be soft, and don’t talk to others as if they are soft.”

I believe this to be good advice, but there is one important caveat to consider: women are soft. That is one of their defining characteristics, and God intentionally designed them that way. This is not a bad thing–it is actually one of the best things about women–but it does mean that men need to be extra considerate when speaking with them.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.  
 
1 Peter 3:7

Peter says this because men and women are–get ready because this is a shocker–different. We think and communicate differently, and we struggle to understand one another. This is the source of a lot of conflict within marriages.

You do not need to understand all of the fundamental differences between men and women to communicate effectively, but you do need to understand how their softness affects them. In order to get the best out of women, you must speak to them kindly. You cannot handle disagreements as directly and aggressively as you could with other men. It is possible for male arguments to get heated without being sinful (again I will point you to the Trump-Zelensky spat). If things are getting heated with your wife, you are probably doing something wrong.

You also cannot expect women to react to conflict like a man would. If a man starts crying in the midst of a disagreement, you should tell him to stop being a baby. If your wife starts crying in the midst of a disagreement, you should comfort and reassure her.

When Peter exhorts men to honor their wives as the weaker vessel, he is saying that women are something to be protected and cherished. They are extremely valuable and must be treated as such. They are certainly not lesser for it, and it doesn’t mean they need to be coddled. It does mean that they should be shown compassion and understanding.

Conclusion

Masculinity always feels mean to those who have been surrounded by effeminate men.  
Dale Partridge⁵

The primary way our culture creates effeminate men is through the abuse of empathy. Feelings–more specifically, the feelings of the most sensitive members of society–determine the bounds of acceptable discourse.

If you say something out of those boundaries, you are ridiculed as a racist, homophobe, transphobe, misogynist, or any number of other buzz-words. But as Rigney says:

Empathy, like all passions, is meant to be governed by what is true and what is good. It’s meant to be tethered to reality…[But] it frequently becomes a power tool in the hands of the sensitive; it’s the means by which the most immature, reactive, and invasive members of a community hijack the agenda and derail the mission. They do this by demanding that the rest of the community adapt to them and their sensitivities.⁶

If we want society to change, we must stop catering to these emotional manipulators. Instead, what we say must be governed by truth and goodness.

Don’t be afraid to say that which is wise and prudent. Ignore the meaningless labels. Preach the gospel and call out the darling sins of our culture. Do as James says and tame your tongue (James 3:1-12), not by neutering and feminizing your speech, but by growing in wisdom and courage.